Six questions we often get asked at Vinomofo
We get asked a lot of questions. What would you like for your birthday? What's your favourite colour, mofo? Is 'sprinter' a real season? Can I work for you? Would you like to come over for lasagne? Why haven't you won any awards this year?
But below are six even more useful questions, with some useful answers. (But for the record: a mountain bike; green, obviously; as real as any human construct; if you have to ask...; yes, but we'll bring the wine; it's only January, ease up.)
Who you callin’ a mofo?
You. Me! And everyone else in this glorious tribe of wine lovers. Yes, it means what you think it does, but it's not our fault. We were going to be called Vinomojo, and then (long story short) a cease and desist letter on the eve of launch made us – temporarily, or so we thought – change our name to Vinomofo.
The rest is history, but if you have a few
minutes hours you can read more on our about page. Meanwhile, we feel like the brilliantly gender non-specific term 'mofo' has some cut-through, and indicates that you should politely park any BS or stuffiness (around wine or otherwise) in the skip before wiping your feet and setting off on this epic wine journey, where pretension is a ghost of wine-lovers' pasts.
You're welcome, mofo.
What’s the deal with Black Market Deals?
Are they just cleanskins? Made up brands? Have they fallen off the back of a truck? Are we steaming off labels and painstakingly pasting them on bottled goon? No, no, no, and no. Ok, maybe that last one.
Just kidding! Gosh. These are genuine, fully labelled wines, the same wines you'll find at the winery cellar door, and at wine bars, restaurants and even sometimes other retailers around the country – at much higher prices.
Hiding the brand allows us to sell these wines at a much lower price than our would-be competition. We go deep in these lines. As in, we buy the whole remainder of the vintage, or many pallets at a minimum. For the maker, that much stock movement saves them a bunch on marketing and opportunity costs.
When we can show a wine label, we do. But when given the option of a wine deal that we think is truly mofo-worthy, but we need to hide the brand to protect the makers' interests, well... wouldn't you rather have the wine?
Can I really return a wine just because I don’t love it?
Well, yeah! Obviously, we do our very best to make sure you’re getting something you’ll love in the first place. For starters, we only sell wines we drink ourselves, and we're pretty picky. And if you’re ever unsure about a wine, you can always contact us for a chat. We can even set you up with your own personal Wine Dealer. They get to taste everything, and their sole mission is to make you a happier mofo.
But if, for whatever reason, a wine rocks up at your place and just doesn't float your boat, here’s the deal: If it’s the first bottle in a box of 12, have a second bottle, just to make sure. Maybe there was an issue with the first bottle, or maybe the wine grows on you. But if it’s just not right, let us know and we’ll get the rest picked up. We’ll credit or refund your account for the full dozen and be happy to help you find something that suits you better. Our Mofo 100% Happiness Guarantee means just that. Check out more answers about returns here.
Everyone gets their own personal Wine Dealer, whether they like it or not. Just kidding, it's totally opt-in. But it's well worth it. Think of these legends of the 'fo as fine art dealers, but for wine. They’re here to help level up your wine experience.
Our Wine Dealers work for you. They'll have a chat, find out your likes and detests and make sure they only call/email/text (you choose) you if and when you want. You just want a call if and when a specific wine comes in? Can do. You want a tailored email with the monthly highlights. No prob. You just want someone awesome to chat to about your latest trip through Chianti, or your theories on why you got a headache from the fifth – obviously high in sulphur – bottle that night? They won't just indulge you, they'll probably recommend you try pet nat next time. And maybe recommend you ease up. We play the long game, and it's as serious to us as it is to you.
Do I have to commit to something to join?
No. Anyone can browse the site, and everything except one of our wine club subscriptions is just a one-off purchase. We’re like your local bottle-o, just with better quality wine at every price point.
Even with our clubs, there are no lock-ins, ever. You just choose a frequency, and you can opt out or skip a delivery at any time. The most important thing is that you’re enjoying yourself.
I don't have a cellar, what's the best way to store my wines?
Wondering whether you're storing wine right can cause unwanted wrinkles. Here's the quick and dirty of it.
Wine likes to be kept at a stable temperature, ideally below 20 degrees. The biggest enemy is fluctuation. Even if your place is a little warm, if it’s consistently warm, you should be fine – as long as it's not over mid-twenties or so, the wine will just age a bit quicker. But if you’re going from 30 by day to 5 at night, kiss that wine goodbye in a mere matter of months, or even weeks!
Keep your wine in the most consistently cool part of the house. The kitchen is generally a bit risky, with all that oven and stove action. And don't use those trendy wine holes above the fridge. Hot air rises, and fridges are a big heat exchanger (don't get us started on vibration).
An old esky in the laundry is a good place to start. If things are getting more serious (i.e. your wine budget's going up and you want to keep things for a few years) you should look into a wine fridge or professional storage. Everything else will be happy enough for a year or two if you’re a bit mindful. Going on holidays in summer, and expecting the house to get above 30? If you can't offload your Hill of Grace somewhere safe, give us a call. We're happy to wine-sit...
So there you have it: some questions, some answers. If they didn't satisfy you as much as Snickers used to before they changed their slogan, and you're left contemplating things you never thought you would, get in touch, however you'd like. Email, phone, online chat, Facebook, Instagram, snail mail, singing telegram, message in a bottle, message with a bottle... hey, come visit! Bring that lasagne too. Answering questions is hungry work.